But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
