This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
