The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
