Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
