I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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