she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i permit you to call me
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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