I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
