GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
