i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
