we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Dignity is for republicans.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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