your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
