Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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