I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I think I sprained my soul last night
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We had sex on a dog bed..
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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