You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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