There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
They left me at home... I'm a liability
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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