omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
