Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
