I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
