im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
