just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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