I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize