i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
