first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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