i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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