He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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