in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
