and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
