trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
