i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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