There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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