I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
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I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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