just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
