I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
