I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
