I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
