I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
