I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize