btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
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Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
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He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
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