I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i think i scared a bird with my dick
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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