Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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