This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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