Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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