Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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