Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
