The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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