I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
