Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Come see our sink grown plant.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
