A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Found your dick twin last night
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
