laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
