brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
