Will you blow on my dice?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life