So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...