remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i think i have herpe
just one?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
All the doctor said was why
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
