I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
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