Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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