well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
