she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
