Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
