you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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