Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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