Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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