Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
