even my farts smell like vagina
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
