All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
