I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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