dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
