It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
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