the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
