Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
