I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Randomize
